(no subject)

She can't sleep.

She thinks about Hank, and what he said, and what he's doing.

She can't sleep, and she needs to, and instead she shifts out of bed, careful not to disturb Edmund, and goes to a chair and curls up in it, and watches him.

"I love you." Quietly, conversationally, eyes straining in the dark room.

"But sometimes love isn't enough. And I'm afraid. I'm--I want you, I think sometimes I need you, to keep me sane, to keep me feeling me, and it scares me, but it scares me more that I--"

She stops, because he's asleep, because she's allowed to, to have her moments to figure out what to say.

"I don't know how to make this work. I'm scared it won't. I'm scared you'll leave me, because you'll see that it's just ridiculous to even try. And I think I should probably leave you, and I don't want to. And I won't."

And then she repeats, even more softly, "I won't ever leave you. But I'm scared you'll leave me. Because you're dead, and I'm not, and I can't leave my life outside the bar behind. Not even for you."

She opens her mouth again, then shuts it and shrugs, and just sits there, not moving, and not looking away.